Up for the challenge?

Had a great conversation with a friend of mine tonight. I live to delve into whatever mystery it is that makes us human. Near the end of the evening, I started to wonder if I was pushing things too far. I was calling her on some things that I don't supposed she's examined before and she started to get defensive. I am very fortunate to have so many friends who call me on my shit (so regularly) that it's just becomes a way of life. I sometimes forget that this is an atypical form of communication.

It occurs to me that if people like a challenge, it's because we live from accomplishment to accomplishment. The greater the challenge, the greater the accomplishment. What if we didn't need our partners to be challenging (read: difficult) to keep us on our toes but rather, to challenge us to continually be honest with ourselves? Are we ready for that?

It's so much easier to say that someone else needs to change.


My photographs do me an injustice
they look just like me

~Phyllis Diller


(thanks for the book, M)

Life short, call now

I went a little crazy in 2006 and went on something of a dating frenzy. The attention was great and the relationships (if you can call them that) short. That'd be fine if I was in my 20s or not looking for anything serious - thing is, I'm 32 and not satisfied with these trite encounters. In the hopes of realigning my head and my heart, I went on something of a dating strike. Step outside the system in order to gain some insight into it.

My friends thought it was hilarious but for the most part, I kept it up. Now that I've gained a fresh perspective and I figured I'd get back out there. The first thing I've noticed is that people have so many defenses because it can be so crappy out there. When I didn't care how things went, rejection didn't bother me. Now, I'm a little flabbergasted by it.

"God knows we learn the hard way, all about a healthy apathy"

In Marshall Goldsmith's book, What got you here won't get you there, he notes that a lot of the traits that make us successful can also blind us to our weak points. Unfortunately, getting rid of those traits could potentially damage our future successes. The trick is to get rid of those traits that we think make us successful but really don't. But how do you know which to keep and which to let go of?

Overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that apathy (or at least the perception thereof) is one of the ones you need to keep to be successful in dating. Let's face it, we all like a challenge. It just seems a little disingenuous to be deliberately apathetic in order to peak the interest of the opposite sex, though again, anyone I know who does this tends to do well in the dating scene.

But wasn't I trying to leave that scene?


You've no idea how I long
For even one loving caress
For you to step into my heart
Without deception or duress

Life short-call now

~ Bruce Cockburn

It's just hair

When I agreed to shave my head for cancer, I thought "hey, if it helps makes a guy feel better, it's worth it." I still think that. I just failed to predict how it would affect me.

A friend of a friend's was recently diagnosed with a malignant and non-operable form of cancer that has wrapped itself around his chest. Before tonight, I'd never met the guy but I'm told he used to have really great hair. At least he did before he started chemotherapy. Tonight, he was rather bald, which is probably why his friends organized this fund raiser for cancer research. I think there was about 25 of us who shaved our heads in display of solidarity. If nothing else, I hope he feels a little less alone in his struggle against this thing.

My friends asked if I was nervous going up there but I was fine until I looked in a mirror. It was in that moment that I realized just how much identity and ego is tied up in our hair. My first thought was "I look mean." I tried to get one of the official shirts so I could fit in with all the other bald guys (and a few girls) but they were sold out. So much for blending into the bald group identity.

I got home and started having all these funny little fears about how my meetings will go for the rest of the week. After all, I'm meeting respectable business men and I have no hair!

And then I remember that I'm healthy.

This is just a small taste of what this fellow must be going through and I don't have to go through chemo. I've read Lance Armstrong's book and I know how horrible that must be. All in all, I'm thankful for the reminder of how precious life is - in spite of my little vanities. I don't need hair to love another human being or to be thankful for this gift of life.


Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free

~ B. J. Thomas